I grew up in the 90s, things were different from today…(Yes I feel that Old), my neighborhood was amazing. The area was swarming with kids my age, I had a lot of friends, we were happy and used to play a lot… It doesn’t seem to be like that anymore. Parenting styles were different too…matching a time that seemed more carefree and trusting. They didn’t live in fear like they do now; fear of kidnapping, rape, bullying, abuse. Our mothers used to wake us up, feed us breakfast and shove us out the door with a brown lunch bag telling us to be home at dusk. You could hear the vacuums starting as you begrudgingly trudged down the gravel driveway looking for company on your unplanned adventure. We had to think of things to do. Outside our homes and it was safe and happy….
These were elementary and high school days spent together with friends, skipping rope, climbing trees, bullying other kids and off course endless eating, yes I have loved food all my life and it’s an amazing thing…and living our lives in ways that were too big for our little bodies to hold on to. To let the joy out we had to scream, and giggle and laugh until our bellies hurt. These moments somehow got lost in the college years. At some point, I forgot what it felt like to live. These are the days I had longed to recreate for a while…I just didn’t know what was missing. That is, until a few months ago when I met someone who helped change the way I see the world around me.
I was gone in a bad way and had spiraled quickly into a place that left me feeling disconnected. Somehow I lacked the positive energy and ability to see the beauty in anything at all. There I was, sad and lost and unknowingly looking for a hand. Blindly I held onto his hand and decided I would walk with him and take his direction….I grabbed on tightly to him and began a slow journey out of a time that was trying desperately to bury me. Day by day, I took another step away from that hideous place and into an adventure that has since changed my life.
This wasn’t a big cross-country road trip or a series of site-seeing vacations where some monumental thing or a-ha moment happened…rather a series of moments during our time together that all happened out in peace and so much comfort….The connection back to the positive and energetic and positive Happy human being that I once was, that I had been missing and longing for without knowing it. In these moments, the damage of the disconnect came to the surface and started to repair itself.
There was the time we sat on a bench at the waterfront and watched the full moon over the water, we laughed and found joy in the little things…The night we danced away to those happy rhythms, The night we bundled up in our the car and had endless conversations…our late night drives and how we shared a passion for food, everyday was a new Lesson to Learn…So much positive energy and so much joy..it was never cold and even in the beat times…a ray of warmth came through. I learnt to let Life flow and live the days as they came…to stop fighting the future that I know none about and to embrace the blessings of today….
I began to come back to life…Found purpose again and recognized the potential in myself, Today Iam back in school and I am happy about it…something I have run away from for 4years of my Life!
Now I have gotten even braver I have started to venture out on my own…Iam now in a place where I don’t need a hand, Now I learn to swim alone and I must say even though I am scared and I have my heavy days Iam doing just fine….but I really liked having his. I have come to trust myself to make it out should the light ever die on me mid-journey…Then I have learnt to appreciate and embrace nature too…There is something about a mountain that reminds you how small you really are in the grand scheme of things…when you become so self-absorbed that you forget there is more to the world than your worries, fears and pain.
So I started small with simple smiles, Laughter, belief and faith and I eventually graduated to taking steps…. I didn’t see the progression then but it is becoming clearer to me now. Things get better. I’m in the steps phase I know this because my instincts have been pulling to keep walking for a month now…There is something more I have to do and achieve…Yes there is….
So to you, my Dear ( I don’t know what title to call you) who took hold of my limp hand and invited me to share your path, I thank you. I don’t know if I would be here if it wasn’t for you. Through the good and the bad, the angry flashes and Emotional breakdowns, the highs and the lows, I have become stronger. I have reconnected with myself and I have reconnected with positive energy and the courage to be… because it’s all part of who I am. Always was. I lost these and you helped me find them. Sometimes I’m sorry that you aren’t here to share this journey anymore but I am thankful for our time. Thank you for guiding me back to myself. Thank you for guiding me home…In my world you are forever significant and forever Loved…God bless you!
Forever grateful …. Love D!