My big mouth Fails ME! It fails me so bad but I just can’t stop talking, I mean if I stopped then that would no longer be ME, right?… But at this point, I am reaping the benefits of being a loud mouth or perhaps being silent See, the past two weeks have been quite the days…such an emotional craze and rollercoaster, just the other day in June I was the happiest woman on earth and today I feel like life is punishing me for some unknown mistakes!
Of course nothing can surpass the joy I have experienced in the recent past but boy oh boy the pain has been equally intense, again I ask the old age question, are the starts these confused or is it just me?
Reflecting…what I have gone through over the years my oh my! The emotionally craze! I actually rejoice in knowing that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. That everything under the sun comes to pass and even when its dark in the night one this for sure, daylight will follow…Mama says “Cry my child for the tears you shed will build you just a little more stronger”. Just knowing and remembering this I get tremendous peace and calmness in the face of turmoil or any emotional instability.
Sigh…Lord knows I have died a million times in my life and suddenly I feel am on that drowning path again, everything suddenly hurts a little, means a little more and breaks me just a little more…that is if there is anything left to break at all.
My big mouth is overflowing with words and things I want to say but I suddenly have no one to listen, God knows if my car could speak the endless conversations I have had with “Baby blue” the world just wouldn’t get it, my circle has faded and honestly there is really no one here.. so today I am forced to keep silence and reflect on life. “True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ” – William Penn.
Silence has helped me hold back words that would otherwise be hard to take back. Silence teaches you to go through what you have to say and more often you will find that it is best not to say anything at all. It is good to know the season for speech and the season for silence. Iam learning this and slowly taking it to practise.
Maybe my common sense will grow as I perfect the art of silence and perhaps just perhaps I shall appear more wise…I used to be an avid writing person every time I couldn’t speak but when stuff gets hard, the harder it gets to put it all down…now I struggle to even put down a text without drowning in tears…I feel like am growing up and maturing to be a woman, but then such a fragile woman, so in that I talk less and less to people about my issues, I smile and say “Its ok, everything is ok”
Today I am broken…broken beyond what I can handle, maybe my little heart is over reacting or perhaps it’s a result of many events all crushing at one time…I really don’t know, all I know is today is heavy and I struggle not to cry on this office desk….
Tomorrow I pray for good thoughts and a strong heart. Today I pray for my silence to keep. Tonight I will pray for good friendship to hold and if all fails me, in the end I smile, at least I have found Love in the middle of it all… In a lifetime, if you experience it, then you can say that YOU HAVE LIVED. And boy have I lived… When love is all you have worth giving, the ride is worth the fall…
Find what you love and let it kill you…
A very emotional…Dee!