2015…the year that was….

My 2015 has been the defination of PAIN and eye opening… It was something I never expected. I’m not one of those ‘new year resolution’ types, but I always had goals to attain at certain stages of my life:and I had set huge goals and milestones that I had to meet in 2015, I guess destiny had a plan for me, the funniest of all was this one…I was sure I would be married in 2015 and I expcted a proposal and a grand one for that matter during my birthday, well we all hope and dream and then life moves on…I was not prepared for how heavy and life changing 2015 will be, because I had taken my expectations to the highest levels and I was sure sure it would be grand in all essense of the word…

then there were shocking changes….

2015 started in a very unsure manner with crazy revelations and discoveries… I was turning 27 in June and wasn’t happy. My goals had not been reached – they were not even in sight…promises were broken and suddenly the hopefull excited lady expecting grand was broken and low not so sure what hit her…I was heartbroken, confused,lost and sad but I kept going.

At the end of January, mama got ill, very ill and had a life threatening complication, I thought I knew fear and i thought I had experienced it before but watching my mum on a hospital bed fighting for her life was teh worst fear I had ever endured in my life…I was prepared for teh worst but I thank God, HE stood by us and walked with us…Alhamdulillah after 4 surgeries in less than a week, weeks in hospital and crazy bills, the Queen is well and getting stronger…

March came and just as I was hoping to see things get calm and breathe alittle, another mild hell broke loose and a relationship so dear to me and everything I had worked for the past 1 year 8 months started going sour and the sudden adjustment that the fairytale i knew existed no more just added salt to injury…

April came and the struggle kept going, I was just lost smiling but breaking deep within and it got worse by teh day,got intho things I am not proud of and made some of the biggest mistakes of my life…sigh.

May came and it seemed alittle brighter not entirely making sense but a ray of hope and some direction…

June came, my birth month…on the outside I was a smiling bubbly lady but deep inside I was bruised and broken…I was insecure and very negative…things just stopped making sense and I was floating on a boat that had no direction…

July came and hell broke loose ( those details will be spared in this post)but I will say a simple prayer for the dark souls that venture in breaking others, there is a God and he sees all the pain and struggles…at this time now, I had lowered my expectations to the barest minimum and I was almost depressed…the only thing I could do is pray….

August came and I reliased there is no mourning forever and I needed to pick myself up and make it work…

September came and the the pain and confusion just kept getting crazier, it wouldnt go away and all I needed was clarity and alittle hope…at this point I learned to pray and get more inclined to God, I learned to accept his will and understand his choices are always better than any of my desires…

October came and went with a better, more thankful me…not entirely healed but better than the broken soul that was drowning in sorrow…

November came and there was a ray of sunshine…we opened the shop and stocked up…this for me was a sign of a strong new beautiful beggining(I set standards that by the grace of God in the next six months will give me a reason to pat myself on the back)…

December is here and I am so thankful for the year and the lessons it has brought my way, this year has been eye opening for me and I have learned so much that I always took for granted… When I reflect on what my life was a year ago, there has been a drastic change in my life. The down, sad, heart broken, confused career lady is now more focused, learning to accept my life and myself and understaindg what adds value to my life and what brings me down…I wont lie that I am happy but I am on my way there and I will find that inner peace and joy that has been so elusive, I am more purpose driven, with a career path in sight, strong business ethics and I now have a direction to follow and I am now learning to see the best in people. A lot can change in a year and I am not taking anything for granted. My goals were lost are now found and even better refined to help me be the best I can be.

I have never been more afraid and broken than I have in the past year but I guess these are the events that needed to happen to get me more inclined to God and if this is the price I have payed then its ok, all the same I have learned strong beautiful lesson and for that I am grateful…

I am looking forward to 2016 with high hopes and expectation. I am preparing myself for a good year with the best approach. To see the best in people because everyone has potentials to be great in life and that belief from you may be all they need to kick start it…

May Allah hear my prayers, walk my path with me and guide me…inshAllah

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3 thoughts on “2015…the year that was….

  1. Hun I completely relate. Thank you for sharing, I have learnt a lot. May 2016 bring you lots of blessings and never regret 2015, it brought you closer to God, if it takes pain to get closer to him let it be. There’s no limit you won’t reach it you trust in him .just pray and watch 😘

  2. The first article in a long time that I have read from start to finish without any interruptions

    Am touched…my heart kept skipping while I was at it

    P

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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