28

Today June 16th  I turn 28years….ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

Ignorance towards my true self is something I lived with for a long time. Self-discovery means many things. It means finding your purpose in life (we all have a purpose), it means digging deep into your childhood and revealing the experiences that shaped you… good and bad. It means realizing what your beliefs are and living by them. The effects of self-discovery include happiness, fulfillment, clarity and maybe even enlightenment! The journey however is not always an easy road. The journey includes fear, confusion, misunderstanding, doubt and literally re-visiting all your choices in life.

I must say time flies and feels like just the other day I was a teen…
With my 30th birthday getting closer everyday (I turn the big 30 soon), I can’t even tell you the amount of times I’ve had people make a huge deal out of this impending shift into a new decade…the fear that I am yet to get married, to have a family and all those ideals that make sense to society. In the eyes of the community I come from I have almost failed because my peers are almost raising their 3rd born if not 4th, Make no mistake I do want a big beautiful wedding, marriage and two little handsome boys but many years ago I promised myself I will not lose sleep if these things take time, I have learnt to wait on God and accept that his time is best…so yes I am a  28year old lady(perhaps with a wrinkle or two, FAT around my belly and big cheeks – with time I have stopped caring about my body size which is quite a bad thing) who is living and not worried because God got me and everything that is to come…

This year I am going to focus on the three biggest lessons I have learnt in the recent past…

I have learnt that I have become too focused on myself to even let anyone into my life; I have believed I have the solution for everything in my life; I unearthed so many things that at the end of it all leave you questioning whether almost 28years years later was this all a waste?? Not all is lost though, I am a winner and a winner of great battles for that matter…yes again, I believe Iam very much blessed.So Lesson Learnt at again at almost 28 and battling to reach those goals: “sigh” I cannot drum this into my head without hurting myself because I have learnt to constantly and everyday remind me to take charge or my emotions. Emotional theatrics can be entertaining and sometimes upsetting. Have the understanding of your emotions and know how to control them because that is what will determine whether you can control yourself from getting into a hot pot.
I have learnt to appreciate my family more and take solace in them, for many years I have hidden who I am from my family, fought my family and had the misconception that they wanted to change who I am…now I am more receptive and engage my family more, I will tell you honestly I have never been in a safer place, these people care genuinely and all they want is a better tomorrow…despite our differences and choices we have one common goal, to be well and to be ok.

I have realized I spent the many months of my life moaning and complaining to myself about the hurt and pain I have endured , I have failed to appreciate the good in my life and focused so much on the bad…as a result I was sinking in an ocean of negativity that was doing me so much harm…so I am putting a stop to the negative vibes and everything unhealthy!
What has happened has happened and there is really no changing anything, the past is what it is and I really can’t change it or make a difference to it, I can only move forward and do better with what I have and who I am…Because I have focused so much on what matters which are the opinion of “others” I have neglected myself…I have stopped living and all I do is calculate my fears and constantly prepare myself for the worst…
So, in a rare moment where I felt sorry for myself and the people around me for my constant whining and nagging, tears and fears I thought I’d take matters into my own hands and stop feeling sorry for myself…yet again,I am beginning a new journey where I will make it all better and worthwhile, I experienced a massive spiritual growth, ALHAMDULILLAH that I believe will help me make a difference in my life, understanding and creating a relationship with God is a very powerful thing, I wish I learned this earlier in my life, a lot wouldn’t have happened.
I want to constantly remind myself that I will be ok and there is a better tomorrow waiting for me and if I forget and you see me in Traffic LOOKING CONFUSED, because I am normally in the middle of thoughts and decisions, throw a smile my way and remind me that its really gonna be ok…
Cheers, to better days and stronger living INSHALLAH….A BEAUTIFUL 28TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Advertisements

Share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s