Discovering ME…Love & Monday Motivation

I am a woman in process, constantly improving and working to get better…
Lately I have realized am learning and getting inclined to privacy and a more quiet life…you know, that art of being unknown and just being scarce, it’s beautiful and so refreshing…
Couple of years back I loved the limelight, I would get intrigued and amazed by all the flashy and show off things in this life, I would enjoy to be the center of it all but then I learnt all too well “Familiarity breeds contempt…” and I slowly tuned myself to appreciate privacy and embrace a more quiet and laid back life…let me tell you, there isn’t a more beautiful and peaceful story than unknown, you know, letting human beings wonder and speculate…The other day at an event a photographer approached me for a picture to be featured in the dailies and I calmly said, no thank you, please don’t take my picture, my friend looked at me in awe and said “Damn, who are you” I respond with a bright, beautiful smile and said “I am a diamond for myself and not the world”
I have even moved from wanting a big spectacular wedding to a more private intimate ceremony, let’s say about 50 people maybe 100 because am African and we black people have families to accommodate(my mom will slaughter me if she reads this, she is the queen of wedding ceremonies).
Even my dressing has changed to more modest and reserved clothes( well excuse the booty that can’t just be hidden, it’s always there)I appreciate more when people engage my brains and inner beauty than they do my curves and appearance…for me, this is maturity and growth, I am suddenly not afraid of life, of love and most of all being myself…I want to try out new things and to learn more and experience life…RAW, no pretense, no fake smiles and no holding anything back…

So I took time to analyze myself and understand me better because for many years I have lived to impress others and make an impact for others then I realized most of which I did wasn’t for me but for someone else; my family, a man I loved, my friends and a whole lot more…how sad you know…

I can say with confidence that the moment a person truly starts down the path of self-discovery, they will never turn back. Many may ask the question, “What is self-discovery?” or “What do you mean you don’t know who you are?”
The white people define self-discovery;“becoming aware of one’s true potential, character, motives, etc.”
Ignorance towards my true self is something I lived with for a long time. Self-discovery means many things. It means finding your purpose in life (we all have a purpose), it means digging deep into your childhood and revealing the experiences that shaped you… good and bad. It means realizing what your beliefs are and living by them. The effects of self-discovery include happiness, fulfillment, clarity and maybe even enlightenment! The journey however is not always an easy road. The journey includes fear, confusion, misunderstanding, doubt and literally re-visiting all your choices in life…it has take me nerly 29 slid years to get to this place, that’s a very very very long time but it’s never late and never in vain.
I have gone to war with myself, questioned my choices and beliefs but I am proud to say I found a diamond within the chaos…What I know for sure is that the journey is worth taking. I am slowly becoming calmer, more aware and more tolerant. I am learning how to pay attention to my feelings and understand myself better.
What I know for sure is that I have been very hard on myself for most of my life. I have not been truthful with myself and have had unrealistic expectations therefore, setting myself up for disappointment. Why do we do this? Why do we lie to ourselves? And more importantly, why do we allow ourselves to get away with it? we lie to ourselves profusely and even cover up our own lies by accepting them as truth in order to reassure ourselves that it’s okay??!?!?!
What I know for sure is that being true to my feelings and acknowledging them as well as validating them has released so much fear in me. It has released my fear of not being good enough as well as my fear of not living up to the expectations I set for myself and of others too…
Today, I am better, I am beautiful, I am stronger, I am happier and more importantly I am myself and I am not afraid to show who I am…let the world take me as I come.
And to you and you out there struggling with self-judgment and lack of self-understanding…Stop lying to yourself about your emotions and feelings and start accepting them and allowing yourself to feel whatever is it you feel. The freedom you will feel within yourself is reward enough however, the universe will give you back the love that you have finally and justifiably started to give yourself. This I promise you!
Have a beautiful Monday good people, mine is made of Love, Colour and sunshine
Blessed, Beautiful and Loving Dee

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