Random Mid week Musings…

There is poet or a writer trapped in my heart aching to let loose…but I fear if the release will unleash that which I cant handle…maybe someday I will unlock that mystery, until then…allow me to muse about the stars and everything in between…

I feel absolutely raw inside. It has been one of the most emotional, tumultuous, horrible, agonizing, amazing, confusing, passionate weeks in my life in some ways. And much of this has centered around my life as usual, which seems a little crazy to me. I should not have been taken to such depths over simple things. The thing about my life is, I feel very passionately about it. I feel passionately about what I do, and the people I do it for or even the people I associate with. So it would make sense that I would have very strong emotions about every little thing… I just don’t get what happens in this life one minute we are on abnormally passionate high and the next we are on an abnormal passionate low, then we are happy and then we are Low…really? Are the stars this confused or is it just me???

With all this rawness and these emotions I feel so crazy, I get emotional over everything. Everything seems to be the end of the world, I’m like a very ripe peach whose skin is about to burst. Because everything seems to be either a crisis in my life right now and if it’s not a crisis then it’s an overflow of joy and excitement, like seriously do things really come in moderation or in my world we just play in excesses? Or is it just me who has no idea how take it in bits and pieces? What is wrong with me???

I was talking to my friend the other day about letting go, accepting the will of God and learning to understand everything that happens in this life happens for reason, sometimes the worst of all tricky situations birth the most beautiful stories and honestly we just need to learn to take life as it comes because too much planning and too much calculations doesn’t just help us or do us any good…I am on a path of learning and understanding new aspects of my life as well as spiritual growth, Perhaps like me, God has been teaching you the art of Letting Go. Letting go of the old in order to embrace the new. Letting go of what is not working so that He can bring to me what is. Letting go of trying to fix it or work it out on my own…and letting Him bring His perfect will and plans into my life, Letting go of the fear-based procrastination and embracing the life and reality of God’s words, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
LETTING IT ALLLLLLLLL GOOOOOOOOOOO. The burdens, the frustrations, the hopelessness, trying to understand the profundity of life when His ways are so far and above our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts could ever hope to be.

This life is fleeting and too damn fast and unpredictable…we just need to learn to live and appreciate the people we have around us, appreciate moments and make the most of every second we get in this life, last week my good friend lost his sister and the scenario just broke my heart, I take peoples burdens and make them own, I mourn and bleed for those I care for and then I break on their behalf, I will tell you this one was a heart breaker, its been a minute since the death of anyone hit me this bad, I felt like I had sunken into a ditch, I was angry because I felt helpless for my bereaved friends and the family and I was angry I realized I haven’t prepared for my here after, picture this, if the almighty called n you today, what do you have to offer in his presence? Have you prayed and done enough good in the world to face you creator? Every time this question played in my head I felt a chill down my spine and realized I JUST HAVEN’T DONE ENOUGH…MAY God guide me and the world around.
…but you see like I said this life is fleeting and too unpredictable…just as I spent my days battling pain and grief of the loss of this young lady on Friday I was on a flight off to my Favorite city…and suddenly in the most amazing and mysterious way I found joy and benched the grief…well that’s until I got back home and realized despite being able to smile and take a breather I am still helpless for my friends and there is nothing I can do to ease the pain or make it better for them…This life!!!

There is no one “right” way to grieve, and there is no way to anticipate exactly how the feelings of sadness, anger, loss, and loneliness will heal and resolve, sometimes the process is a roller coaster with highs and lows, confusion, denial and acceptance and many other mixed emotions…sigh….the loss of a loved one or a dear person to you can be heart ripping and the intense of pain could be enough to send you to wish you can take off your heart and hang it away until the pain goes of…sad but truth.

May we find peace, wisdom and understanding in this life and may God give us strength to carry forward because we have to do just that and if you Love of feel some typa way for a person, brave it up and let them know today, tomorrow is never promised.

So hey you and you and you, do realize today the grass can be whatever colour you like and not necessarily green, paint it yellow if it feeds your soul or go wild make it pink…I mean mine is purple and I am smiling at the many shades it comes in.

Have a lovey evening good people…Love and Light from a Beautiful, purply and smiling Dee.


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