People who know me know am sucker for Love and all things romantic, I love Love and pray for Love and appreciate Love…I once dated a man who told me I cant live on Love and I told him I can, you see what am trying to say here is Love is a beautiful thing and I adore and believe in love…now that said and confirmed it is also important to note humans are complex, rigid,unfair,dishonest and twisted and these are the problems that put turmoil to Love to begin with…Good morning Africa, 4.30AM on the clock in Nairobi, normal people are asleep, I am battling thoughts and memories trying to understand where exactly the rain started hitting me…I have been in Love and boy my heart was all out for it little did I know that the Love I held so dear and so strong wasn’t shared by the other part, I WAS ON MY OWN, ALONE!!!
There is nothing more difficult and heartbreaking than realizing you have been a false relationship, living lies and calculated stories…there is no sword that cuts deeper than a man cheating on a woman, that right there is height of pain and chaos…
Today, I am broken, Lost, betrayed and struggling…my name is Khadija, I am a 5 9” African mixed breed, intelligent, go getter and a very hardworking lady who knows exactly what she wants in life, add on to that I have just the right complexion and a body that will motivate you to love the gym…lets just say, I am that girl, the package, the full package as they would say it…but I have been cheated on, cheated on by a man I have loved, cared for, believed in, natured and held down…This has taken away something from me, something BIG and today am bleeding…if I wrote the stories I have lived the past few days, I promise we will get to forever and I wouldn’t finish, if I shared my pains and struggles maybe the dead would awaken to mourn with me, so we will leave that alone and pray for the pieces of myself that I attempt to pick up and move forward, yet again but I will share the lessons and insights.
With time I have learnt In all seasons of life, your goal shouldn’t be to seek a perfect and pain-free existence, but to live an imperfect and sometimes painful one in radical amazement…and in the midst of it all learn to pray for Mercy from God and kindness, for that shall be the only soothing echo amidst the storms.
Hard times are like strong storms that blow against your body and mind, And it’s not just that these storms hold you back from places you might otherwise go. They also tear away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn, so that afterward you see yourself as you really are in the present, without the needless attachments and crutches you’ve been clinging to.
In a very real sense, you are here to endure these storms, to risk your heart . . . to be bruised by life. And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned. Tell yourself how amazing the journey has been, and then remind yourself that pain is a necessary part of it all because pain is living, pain is growth and pain is the route home.
The wisest, most loving, and well-rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have been shattered by heartbreak. Yes, life creates the greatest humans by breaking them first. Their destruction into pieces allows them to be fine-tuned and reconstructed into a masterpiece. Truly, it’s the painstaking journey of falling apart and coming back together that fills their hearts and minds with a level of compassion, understanding, and deep loving wisdom that can’t possibly be acquired any other way.
Here is to you, the man that took my heart away, shredded it into pieces, bled it out and watched me gasp for air…may you find peace in your life and may the stars be kind to you for if I wished you the anguish you caused me you wouldn’t survive a minute through it.
Here is to Life, to Strength and the battles we fight, the lessons to learn and looses we take standing up high.
Signed…Khadija, Broken and single in Nairobi.