Top of the morning world…
It’s a cold and gloomy in Nairobi but not so in my world, I am a bubbly and happy soul, managed two hours at the gym this morning and we killed shoulders and back a good one. I am feeling jumped and ready, like let’s do this.
I wasn’t even going to write today but hey, I look like money bags, killing a fine cut suit, some expensive shoes and glamour like that, I feel good and ready, the world needs a dose of Love, Color and goodness, so why not…my friend Wambui this morning said she thinks am in love, I laughed and told her what if I am, it’s not a bad thing you know, let me be, I am throwing smiles like confetti…
In the recent times I have come to understand that the only way to freedom and peace is to be truthful, in every aspect and angle of life, be truthful and avoid wearing a mask, from my own experiences in life I have come to understand that pretense and living a lie are the first sources of pain and disappointment in this life.
For almost two-and-a-half decades, I hid behind masks. I sensed as a very young child that I lived honoring my true self, like most children do, but as I got older, I started putting on masks as a way to fit in. One of my first masks was that of a juvenile delinquency, Over time, this mask became almost embedded in my skin. I discovered the world of alcohol, drugs, and mayhem, and I felt trapped and unable to escape from it. Shame and guilt filled me with fear and kept me from breaking free from this chaotic lifestyle. I was afraid to ask for help or even to admit that I am unhappy in the may, see the weird thing about wearing a mask turns you to believe you are designed and made as such.
But in the early months of 2010 I dug deeper within me and my spiritual self and this is when I started finding a reason to be true and honest to who I am,
I was intrigued by what I discovered about myself, my potential and aspirations for life, making this decision opened a whole new way of living for me. It focused on removing masks, getting more driven and not being afraid of being different, I started being free and life was much less of a burden…I found myself thinking about my own life and the masks that I hid behind, I felt uncomfortable, so I started to question myself on how I was living.
This new self-awareness pushed me to start looking inside of myself for answers to the problems that were plaguing me.
I was young, 23 or maybe 24, I have aged so I loose details…I was living in a foreign country earning too much money I had no idea what do to with. Mingling and brushing shoulders with directors and brand managers of some of the biggest luxurious fashion brands in the world and I was running a business that made so much sense for my age and on my way to making a name for myself in the retail fashion business community. I was also self-absorbed with looking good and exercising. I was the typical story of the “beautiful young lady who got it going on.” To others, my life looked good.
But my inner landscape told a different story. I was lost in a world of darkness, pain, and anxiety. Even though I was experiencing some modest success with my business and career, my past was starting to haunt me.
I felt like a fraud, and I was starting to feel like my outer world was about to crumble. What had kept me going through all these years of turmoil was the fact that I had become an expert on wearing masks! I had no idea who I was, and despite all the good things going on in my life, I felt like I wasn’t being honest with myself. I wanted to be real and I challenged myself to do it…
People around me knew that something was going on in my life, but I didn’t disclose the driving force behind the changes they were seeing. It seemed easy just to keep things quiet and to live in peace and in truth of self…this awakening has grown mre and more in the recent years and it’s a beautiful feeling to be free and unmasked.
And I continue to challenge myself every new day to dig deeper, find purpose and be true…How do I do that? For me it is about finally admitting to myself that the mask no longer fits, and I am no longer willing to live in a way that hides who I am or forces me to conform to society or the community I come from, its simple you know.
I wouldn’t say that I have a “one size fits all” mask removal strategy or am expert that knows it all or I uphold perfection, but I have found that when I am willing to step out of my comfort zone, good things will happen. I need to trust that.I also know that self-honesty has a way of breaking through walls—big walls!
What follows self-honesty, for me, is always action—taking some action, whether it’s a small step or a giant leap. Either way, it’s life changing.
You may need to take a leap of your own to get in touch with your true self. It doesn’t need to be huge, as long as you move forward in some way. Like the Nike commercials says, “Just Do it!” What’s important is to find what works for you and start moving, inch by inch, beyond your fear.
Most importantly, I did this to be honest with myself. Being honest with ourselves is the surest way to move forward on the path of self-discovery…
Have a beautiful productive day people…mine is made of purple smiles…
Love Dee Dee